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if there were such things as loverbears this is what one would look like

Cupcakes, Crafts and Kids Ahead!Collapse )
...my lame photgraphy attempt haha

I am writing this as on officially defeated mother. I concede. They beat me. I give up.
Who do I talk to about sending these kids back to God?

Mark is NEVER allowed to come home and complain to me that hes had a "rough day" at work until he has to clean floating human excrement off a flooded bathroom floor (which was covered in his man-hair and filth already) while the two culprits are screaming at the top of their lungs.

I was actually in the middle of an entry about boo-hoo-I-hate-my-life (what else?) when it happened so now I feel double awesome.

The previous whoa is me entry...Collapse )

Mark always criticizes me for writing in livejournal and asks what good it does.
After rereading my bullshit whining entry I have come to the conclusion that the "good it does" is to help me organize my thoughts and see them in front of me to get a better perspective.

I have. And Ive made up my mind. I dont give a shit who supports me Im really going to try and get a full time job and to go back to school and to not spend every waking moment with my kids going crazy. Its going to be insanely hard, especially with our atrocious credit and the fact that no lender will touch me with a ten foot pole, but Im totally going to make it work.

Yay faux enthusiasm!

Pre-emptive FUCK YEAH!

So Obama is at 207. He got Iowa. Thats not counting cali, oregon or washington.

It doesnt matter if McCain get Fla, we won.
(unless hell has frozen over and somehow everyone in california has decided to vote republican)



and the house and senate are looking awfully blue as well.

Im going to bed happy.

Fucking Awesome

....So... supposedly this is real. It sounds real enough, and although I havent seen any news stories cover it or anything, according to the superficial SP's reps said it was legit.

So heres Sarah Palin getting prank called by two guys from some quebec radio station making her sound REALLY really intelligent.

DEFINITELY worth a listen.

IMO shes a cute, silly, charismatic girl. If she was my next door neighbor, we would probably be friends. I really dont hate Sarah Palin. I just hate the thought of her being VP, or better yet president when the crypt keeper kicks the bucket.

And stolen from ninjaguydan  : mtvmusic.com- FUCKING AMAZING. Its just music videos. Thats all. And not 'shake your laffy taffy' or lyndsay lohan, although you could probably find those also, but old school Michael before he struck fear into the hearts of children everywhere, metallica, and tons of other 80s tastic music.

all apologies

...just wanted to hop on and apologize for not commenting on anyone ever haha

I have been really crazy busy lately and havent really been computer-bound. Im about to try and catch up with everyone right now, but if something major has happened to you and youre feeling like Im an insensitive bitch for not saying congrats on your new baby or something, Im sorry!!

and I leave you with some superbad inspired penii. theres a set of vaginas also, but the pic isnt very good. maybe I will post it later.

penises ahoy!Collapse )

Fatty McFat Pants


My Fat-Girl Eye Opening Experience...Collapse )

In other news, you may be wondering about the username switch (or not depending on how observant you are.) I have found myself in the sticky situation of having at least 15 different usernames and passwords between all the websites I log into and I am on a quest to make that stop.

So from now on I am the easily stalked, entirely-to-simple-to-be-cool alias 'helloacacia' on every. website. ever.

Email address? hello.acacia@gmail.com. Website? helloacacia.com

Yes, yes, I am schuper schweet.

Wish my luck in my quest to NOT weigh a metric ton!

1. If you happen to be reading this and have asston of cash lying around that you really want to spend on something that will help you in no way shape or form please contact me asap. I have some student loan people who are going to rape my asshole rotten and steal my firstborn if I dont get crack-a-lackin on paying back all the money I spent on that degree I dont have.

2. Wake me up when November ends. SO. SICK. OF POLITICS/ POLITICIANS. Okay. You can scratch that. I love politics. I would love to run for office some day. I HATE crazy ass radicals who cant see shades of gray. Or white trash redneck conservative fucktards who assume things about Obama- 'Hey!? Isnt he Muslim? That must mean hes a terrorist! I mean, look! Is last name is OBAMA! That must mean hes in cohorts with OSAMA... you know... BIN LADEN! All those muslims are the same anyway.' Really? REALLY!?
I hate election years because those normal friendly people who youve been hanging out with and not discussing politics with for the past three years finally open their mouths and the retardation that spews out makes you want to jam a fork in your eye. Scratch that. Makes you want to jam a fork in THEIR eye.

3. Does anyone here want to have a playdate? I have a few mom-efriends who live in the area and Id really like to get out with the kids before it gets too cold.
And while we are on the topic of parenting boringness: Does anyone have any suggestions for kids who tantrum in public? I really do try and go out to the playground with Eisley and Brody as much as we can... but I DREAD it to the point that I would rather stay inside because whenever we go out it takes two tranquilizer darts and a gang of luchadores to wrestle Brody back indoors. If he were an only child this would not be such an issue as I could just hoist him up and walk away... but with Eisley in tow it often becomes harder as I usually nearly-drop one or brody nearly kicks eisley in his fit of rage. I give him fair warning that we are going in (Brody in five minutes we are going to head inside) Ive tried bribes. Ive tried enticing him with fun activites we can do once he gets back indoors. Nadda. Im getting desperate.

4. Im going out with tommy tomorow- the first time Ive gone out sans mark or babies since.... I dont even know. Since Jack Johnson in June? Yes. Im very excited.

5. Give me your favorite sing along songs/ tiny kid games.
Im working hard with brody on his speech and have read that doing rhyming songs and such is a good way to help so we've been doing itsy bitsy spider like crazy... And then I realized that its like the ONLY little kids song I know (besides twinkle twinkle and the abc song). Yes, his usual bedtime serenades of nirvana and led zepplin songs are awesome for him to learn... but Im thinking something a little simpler may be good also.
And while we're on the speech subject... Hes still not talking. At all. (Although he IS fully potty trained...) He says 'momma' and something similiar to 'up'. The end. At two and a half (in december). What the shit?! We have tons of signs (which he avoids using any time he can get away with it) and he grunts all day long and gets frustrated at the fact that we cant communicate. And so do I. Im not just being a mom when I say this- hes super fucking smart. I know when he goes into these long grunting tyrades and making hand gestures hes telling me stories or important toddler-bits of info and I havent the faintest idea of what any of its about. I started crying the other day in target when a little girl eisleys age heard one of the employee walkie talkies go off and started shouting 'cell phone!'.
Why cant I have a conversation with my child!? Bleearrrghhh. SO. Upsetting. And the fact that he may or MAY NOT have apraxia makes me feel like his lack of speech is my fault. Did I not talk to him enough when he was born? Do I not play the right kinds of games with him? Do we do the wrong activites throughout the day? Any suggestions would be appreciating. At this point, if sacrificing a virgin goat under a full moon and drinking its blood would give us a few nouns, Id be buying livestock in a heartbeat.

God, this entry turned out WAY longer than I intended. And now its almost three and Im officially artarded for having stayed up this late.
Oy vey!

PS. 6. Salma Hayek is one of the most gorgeous women alive. Im a little bit of an insta-lesbian when drunk anyway, but I would start batting for the other team in a hot second if she were available and interested. *SO. GORGEOUS* Wow. (Shes guest starring on 30 Rock soon... look for her and her amazing hypnotizing enormous breasts. I bet she smells like gods vagina. (lol) )

Tweets for Today

  • 11:02 What the shit is "twilight"? #

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Tweets for Today

  • 12:52 Why is everyone in the body modification industry so grumpy? Hot damn. #
  • 12:53 @thomasav I had NetFlix for a hot second also and of the 9 movies that came, I could watch one of them. Their DVDs are fizzucked up. #
  • 12:55 Loves that Betty White is opening a St. Olaf-style can of whoopass on McCain and Palin. I really want to just BE Betty White when I get old. #
  • 18:00 listening to some grade a domestic abuse from our upstairs neighbors. classy classy holland. SO glad were renewing our lease. #
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November 2008